04/16/2024: Ramayanam

Sri Rama Navami is the day of Rama's birth, and his wedding to Sita is often celebrated across the globe on this day. Rama and Sita's relationship is complex. It is a beautiful tale of love nestled in all kinds of hardships, what with Sita getting abducted, Rama fighting the demon Ravana, Rama and Sita's post-war union, and their eventual separation. Despite everything that ultimately happens to their marriage,  Rama and Sita's union is the most fervently celebrated celestial event in Hindu culture. As Bhaskar and I sat at the temple witnessing the divine wedding celebrations, my mind wandered off to my own mental demons. 

We met with Dr. Gore this morning. There were two new findings. One- my surgery got pushed out to May 6th, as the doctor had a higher priority case to handle on April 29th when I was originally supposed to go under the knife. Two- the recent angiogram indicated the possibility of some blood flow abnormalities that may require some additional procedures during the surgery and/or at a later date. It would involve installing a permanent catheter (Shunt?) to artificially drain the brain fluids that may not be draining optimally at the moment because of the tumor. This device might move around and might need periodic replacement- some need to be replaced within a couple of years, while some last decades.

It was his responsibility, of course, to read out all the risks associated with such procedures and keep us informed, which he did. He also said that such procedures are very common and he sounded confident of my bouncing back to normalcy within a few weeks. It is also very much possible that I won't need any of those additional draining devices and that resectioning the tumor is all I would ever need. 

I'd be lying if I said I am not concerned by this latest discussion with the surgeon. Accepting that some things are just not in my control has been the hardest thing for me. As my mind alternated between the epic Sita Rama Kalyanam taking place at the temple and my own epic struggle inside, it all slowly started making sense to me. Ramayanam is the reminder that we are, after all, humans. Even lord Rama experienced extreme agony, pain, and anxiety, and so will we. It is OK to feel vulnerable and afraid. Rama beat the mighty Ravana while in his human form, not using his Godly powers, and there is every chance for us too to beat our own demons. We just need to cling to that hope.

With the divine newly-weds :)

Wearing the bracelet symbolizing promise and protection, and taking part in the divine wedding celebrations 

Dr. Gore's notes from today

The most reassuring words of Dr. Mahesh, a neurosurgeon in India I am fortunate to be  consulting for a second opinion 









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